Spiral
by Princess Shahnaz
Summary: Eight years ago, Mikan left Natsume, thinking she was unable to have kids. And just after their son Youichi was born, she found out he had forgotten her and married Luna. In an attempt to make her smile, Youichi encourages her to become Spiral, the mysterious masked singer. At the peak of her career, Mikan is close to happiness - but what happens when Natsume enters the picture?


Due to the amount of backlash I got for deleting _Spiral_, I'm going to rewrite it as a separate story from _HiME_. Honestly, the guilt you guys were putting on me was causing me serious emotional stress.

And the reason why the raburabu couple aren't cuddling will be different. If you've read or watched _Nurarihyon no Mago, _then perhaps you can work out what that reason is.

Oh... Yumemi is now a boy; Ayumu Imai. He kind of looks like Ayumu Narumi.HERE'S THE THING: Yumemi is straight, and this guy is bisexual. So, I'll warn you now – _**THIS HAS SHOUNEN-AI.**_ IT'S NOT THE MAIN FOCUS, BUT IT HAS IT. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH.

There's an _Arata Kangatari _reference in here. See if you can find it. If you can, your male OC can be Ayumu's uke XD

**Disclaimer: **Repeat after me - Shahnaz is not Higuchi Tachibana. Shahnaz is not Higuchi Tachibana.

* * *

**Chapter One**

_**Yamabuki**_

* * *

七重八重花は咲けども山吹の実の一つだになきぞ悲しき

* * *

_Memories are difficult to decipher._

_If you don't remember, does that mean it didn't happen? Or is it just that you don't want to remember?_

* * *

Before I was born, my parents separated. I don't know if they were married, and if they were, if they officially got divorced. I don't even know they truly loved each other.

Typically, young children are inquisitive. I was no exception, but my mind worked differently than the average eight year old boy's. Instead of troubling my mother, who worked herself half to death to support us both, I decided to conduct my own investigation.

Since there was no crime scene to examine, I made the risky decision to stoop to a whole new low and snoop through Mama's belongings.

We lived in a small apartment in Tokyo, big enough to fit approximately three people. It was just me and Mama in there, plus Ayumu-nii when Aunt Hotaru was busy. When you came in, you were immediately in a fairly large room, a kitchenette in the right corner. There was a door on the left side, leading to the toilet and shower. Looking straight ahead from the front door, there was the sliding windows leading to the balcony. We were on the second floor.

(A/N: Just imagine Tomoya's apartment from Clannad: After Story, albeit with some differences, like the shower.)

We slept on futons on the tatami mat floor, right next to each other. At night, my hand would reach out and grasp her hand, searching for reassurance whenever I had nightmares.

Understandably, Mama's most private possessions were kept in a locked box stowed away right in the back of our wardrobe. I didn't know where she kept the key, but I knew who could help me break it open faster than I could blink.

One weekend when Aunt Hotaru was away on a business trip, Ayumu-nii came over to stay, toothbrush and a pyjamas in hand. After dinner, we brushed our teeth and got out the spare futon.

Mama fell asleep almost immediately. A bead of sweat rolled down my temple as I heard her murmur and babble in her sleep. "Howalon... You-chan... Natsu..."

Natsu? Guess she really liked summer. Last August, we went to the beach, and she foolishly wore a skimpy two piece. I had my hands full beating the guys off with sticks and traps. Unfortunately, Ayumu-nii was one of the ogling guys. Luckily, Aunt Hotaru was on my side, and used her Baka Gun to knock all the stupid men (including Ayumu-nii) out.

Somewhere around midnight, I shook Ayumu-nii awake and we got to work.

Taking care not to make too much noise, I brought out the wooden box (wincing at the childish fairy and animal stickers decorating the lid and sides as I did so) and gently set it down. Ayumu-nii rummaged through his bag, then brought out a _letter opener. _The blade had his full name (Ayumu Imai) engraved on it in cursive font.

He groped around in the darkness for the padlock, then I heard the clinking of metal against metal. Then there was a clicking sound as he managed to unlock it.

Ayumu Imai, the boy who opened a box with a letter opener.

"I can't see anything in there!" He wailed. I slapped a hand over his mouth and glared at him. Honestly, you'd think that he was eight and I was sixteen, not the other way around.

"Ayumu-nii," I hissed, "let's go out on to the balcony. We might get better light there. Don't step on Mama, or I'll kill you."

"Calm your tits, _Yorunami_," he mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing."

We stepped out on to the balcony, into the night. As I pushed aside the floral curtains, moonlight spilled into the room, bathing Mama in light. She looked almost angelic, auburn hair framing her heart shaped face, long lashes fluttering a little.

Opening the box, we found there were words carved into the underside of the lid in neat English writing. Squinting and thinking a lot, between my fairly good and Ayumu-nii's basic knowledge of English, we were able to work out what it was saying.

_Flowers bloom_

_Sevenfold and eightfold,_

_But the kerria laments,_

_For not a single fruit does it bear._

"_Nanae yae hana wa sakedomo, yamabuki no mi no hitotsu da ni naki zo, kanashiki."_

"I know that poem!" Ayumu-nii whispered. "We read it in Japanese Literature class! It was originally a song by Imperial Prince Kanaekira, you know, the eleventh son of Emperor Daigo!"

I frowned, confused. "Why would this be here? Did Mama write this? I didn't know she knows English."

"You don't know a lot of things, You-chan. For example, you don't know that she wears bra size-"

WHAM!

"Meanie," he whimpered, nursing a lump on his head.

Ignoring him, I continued to look at the contents of the box. There were several photos, a few notes and a little notebook with the words "MIKAN-CHAN'S DIARY! KEEP OUT!" scrawled across the front of it. Randomly taking out a glossy photo, I clenched my fist and I saw just who was in it.

It was Mama. From this picture, she looked to be about sixteen. She was sitting underneath a cherry blossom tree, but she wasn't alone. There was a boy about the same age as her, sitting right next to her. She was asleep, head resting on his shoulder, his hand clutching hers. There was an obvious blush on his face.

The funny thing was, he had intense ruby eyes... Just like mine. Unlike me, however, he had raven hair. I had Mama's auburn hair.

"Who's that guy? An ex-boyfriend? Aunt Mikan sure knew how to catch them," commented Ayumu-nii.

There were more photos of Mama and that guy. One had her, the guy and this blonde haired, blue eyed boy with them. He was blushing, gazing at Mama while she laughed and hugged a little plush penguin.

Agitated, I look away from the pictures and picked out one of the crumpled notes. I couldn't identify the impossibly neat handwriting and perfect _kanji. _Clearing my throat, I read it out.

"_To Polka," _it started. Polka? _"I don't even know why Narumi is making us do this stupid love letter thing. It's ridiculous. Anyway, I spent five minutes on this crap, so don't start crying if you hate it."_

Love letter?

The rest of the letter said:

"_To my lovely Mikan,_

_I marvel at your beauty. I love everything about you, from your gorgeous auburn locks to your beautiful eyes of amber._

_-Your partner, Natsume."_

_Natsume?_

I crumpled the paper in my hand, infuriated. There were more letters of this kind, each addressed to Mama and signed by _Natsume, _presumably that raven haired guy.

Then I looked at the notebook, Mama's diary.

I almost exploded when I saw she'd stuck another photo of her and Natsume in the front page. It was of her and him, and they were _kissing. _His arm was awkwardly stuck out, and picture was at an angle, probably because he'd taken the photo himself.

Turning the page, I came to the first diary entry.

_Today, I came to Gakuen Alice! I can finally be with my BFF in all the world, Hotaru-chan! I'm so happy!_

There were several badly drawn pictures of two girls holding hands and hugging, one with short black hair and the other with brown hair in pigtails.

_But I have to be partners with this mean guy, Natsume Hyuuga! I hate him, he pulled my hair and took my panties! Now he keeps calling me Polka Dots!_

Ayumu-nii sniggered at a drawing of a monster with red eyes and black fur, baring sharp yellow teeth.

Skipping ahead, I read another one.

_Last night... Natsume kissed me._

Emitting a frustrated scream, I almost threw the diary off the balcony. Instead, I calmed down and skipped some pages again.

Honestly, it got worse.

_Natsume asked me to be his girlfriend!_

_Natsume and I went on our first official date!_

_Natsume and I... got MARRIED!_

Wait... What?

I froze, rereading those words over and over again. _Married. Married. Married. _At one point, before my birth, Mama had been married, and it was to this guy. Natsume Hyuuga.

Could that mean...?

I flipped desperately through the book, trying to find something linked to _me. _There was stuff about their married life, problems they encountered, how hard it had been to get his jealous fan girls off their back...

_I left Natsume._

Though it had nothing to do with me, I opening the book at the part and my eyes darted across the page. I noted that there were several tear stains on the page, blurring the words at some points. Had she been crying as she wrote this? The thought made my heart ache.

_When we first got married, Natsume told me straight out that he wanted children. A little boy, he said. He said he'd like to name him Youichi, and that he'd raise him to be strong like us. I said that if we had a girl, I'd name her Yuka, after my mother._

_That was a year ago. We've tried so many times, but I just can't get pregnant._

_Natsume told me it didn't matter, that he loved me all the same. Hotaru told me that we could just adopt a kid, like she adopted little Ayumu-chan. But I know how badly Natsume wants his own son, born of his own blood, the Hyuuga blood. His own mother, Auntie Kaoru, died when we were little, and he while he has Aoi-chan and Uncle Ioran, I know he always wanted his own CHILD._

_But... I think I'm barren._

_It isn't fair. I want a child too! I couldn't keep bringing Natsume sadness every time the test comes up negative._

_So... I left him a poem... and a kerria flower. Befitting, isn't it. Me and that flower... We're the same. Called beautiful, yet we are unable to bear fruit._

It was Mama... She was the one who left. She'd married Natsume Hyuuga, and when she couldn't get pregnant, assumed she was unable to have children and left. But... Wouldn't that cause him to be more sad before? Mama had the natural charm to draw people to her. Everyone loved her, and this man did too. To lose her so quickly, with only a heartbreaking poem and a bitter flower left behind...

Ayumu-nii spoke up. He'd been sitting, listening to me reading out the diary entry with a forlorn look on his face. One would think he'd been the one left behind without a word.

"Aunt Mikan... I never knew. Do you think Mum knew? How come they're still in contact even though Aunt Mikan supposedly left?"

I didn't answer. Looking back into the room, I saw Mama was still in a deep slumber. Her bottom lip was trembling, and there were glistening tears on her lashes.

"Natsume..."

So she still dreamed of him.

I was on the last page now, the last diary entry she'd ever written.

_I can't believe it. I'm a mother._

_A week after I left Natsume, I started throwing up and felt dizzy, having frequent fainting spells. Hotaru insisted I go to the doctor... and he told me I was pregnant._

_I couldn't help but think, "Why now? Why not earlier, when I was still with Natsume?"_

_Hotaru told me I should go back. And I want to. But after what I did, after I broke his heart... He'll never forgive me. And besides... He..._

_My baby boy. Our baby boy. He's got my hair, but Natsume's beautiful red eyes. He looks so much like Natsume, what with the eyes and the angle of his face. I named him Youichi Sakura... but he's a Hyuuga at heart._

_The most heartbreaking thing is... Three days after Youichi was born, and I was settling into my apartment with him – our apartment – I turned on the TV and saw something that made me want to cry._

"_CEO OF HYUUGA INDUSTRIES MARRIES SUPERMODEL LUNA IN WHIRLWIND WEDDING!"_

_Natsume had gotten remarried... To Luna Koizumi, the girl who'd tried to take Natsume away from me back in our school days._

_I had him._

_I left him._

_I've lost him forever now._

* * *

Well, that was depressing.

_Kanji _is the use of Chinese characters in Japanese, if I remember correctly.

About the male OC thing - fill out this form if you want to enter your OC. Remember to find the reference! Even if you don't, if your OC is good enough, I'll still use him.

**Full name:**

**Age:**

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**How would you like him to meet and fall in love with Ayumu? How does he react to Ayumu's idiocy?**

YOU HAPPY NOW, STARELSIE? I BROUGHT BACK SPIRAL. Love you, girl. Readers, be sure to thank this beauty.

-Shahnaz


End file.
